The many faces of Chet Watkins since 2009.
Russ Armstrong, Chris Camp, Karsten Cross, Laura Grey, Kelly Kreye, Christine Magee, Dave Maulbeck, Lauren Olson, Christian Paluck, Justin Peters, Lizzie Redner, John Roukis, Jana Schmieding and Dave Thunder
Why have bread when you can have a salmon
Darth Vader: There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you. Luke, you do not yet realize your importance. You have only begun to discover your power. Join me, and I will complete your training. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.
Luke: I’ll never join you!
Darth Vader: If you only knew the power of the Dark Side. Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No. I am your father.
Luke: No…no. That’s not true. That’s impossible!
Darth Vader: Search your feelings, you know it to be true!
Luke: [Luke cries in anguish] No! No!
Darth Vader: Come with me and we can rule the galaxy as father and son! And, I can make up some lost time on being an absent father. Like taking you to Disney World. Or now that you’re old enough, I can take you see CHET WATKINS perform improv comedy at the Magnet Theater at 8 pm. TONIGHT, Luke!
Luke: Even though I’d love to see CHET WATKINS perform improv comedy tonight , at 8 pm, at the Magnet Theater, I’ll never join you. ( jumps down an air chute) Ahhh!
Judge Randolph: Consider yourself in Contempt!
Kaffee: Colonel Jessep, did you see CHET WATKINS perform improv comedy at the Magnet Theater on the night of February 6th at 9 pm?
Judge Randolph: You don’t have to answer that question!
Col. Jessep: I’ll answer the question!
[to Kaffee]
Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I think I’m entitled to.
Col. Jessep: You want answers?
Kaffee: I want the truth!
Col. Jessep: You can’t handle the truth! Yes, I did see them! And, I laughed my ass off!
This week’s installment is a beautiful, memorable scene from the Academy Award-winning film, Forrest Gump:
Jenny: Were you scared in Vietnam?
Forrest Gump: Yes. Well, I-I don’t know. Sometimes it would stop raining long enough for the stars to come out… and then it was nice. It was like just before the sun goes to bed down on the bayou. There was always a million sparkles on the water… like that mountain lake. It was so clear, Jenny, it looked like there were two skies one on top of the other. And then in the desert, when the sun comes up, I couldn’t tell where heaven stopped and the earth began. It’s so beautiful. And then there was that time with Lt. Dan seeing CHET WATKINS perform improv comedy at the Magnet Theater in New York City. They performed and made me laugh on a Wednesday night at 9 pm. It was funny, Jenny. I may not be a smart man, but I know what funny is.
Jenny: I wish I could’ve been there with you.
Forrest Gump: You were.
Henry Hill: You’re a pistol, you’re really funny. You’re really funny.
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean I’m funny?
Henry Hill: It’s funny, you know. It’s a good story, it’s funny, you’re a funny guy. [laughs]
Tommy DeVito: What do you mean, you mean the way I talk? What?
Henry Hill: It’s just, you know. You’re just funny, it’s… funny, the way you tell the story and everything.
Tommy DeVito: [it becomes quiet] Funny how? What’s funny about it? Like the improv group CHET WATKINS who perform at the Magnet Theater? They perform tonight at 10 pm? Funny like them?
Anthony Stabile: Tommy no, You got it all wrong.
Tommy DeVito: Oh, oh, Anthony. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said. What did ya say? Funny how?
Henry Hill: Jus… Tommy DeVito: What? Henry Hill: Just… ya know… you’re funny.
Tommy DeVito: You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little messed up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to amuse you? Is that it? Funny like CHET WATKINS? They play tonight at 10 pm. Should we go see what funny is? Huh?! What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny? Maybe we should go the Magnet Mixer that CHET WATKINS is hosting tonight. Then, I can do some improv too and then you can tell me what’s so funny!
Henry Hill: Tommy, no, we don’t have to…just… you know, it’s how you tell the story, what?
Tommy DeVito: No, no, I don’t know, you said it. How do I know? You said I’m funny. How the heck am I funny, what the heck is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny!
Henry Hill: [long pause] Get out of here, Tommy!
Tommy DeVito: [everyone laughs] I almost had him, I almost had him. Ya stuttering nut ya. Frankie, was he shaking? I wonder about you sometimes, Henry. You may fold under questioning. Let’s pay the bill and see CHET WATKINS tonight at 10 pm at the Magnet Theater!
Politically, 2012 was a whirlwind year. A presidential election, congressional seats up in the air along with many states voting for a new Governor. Now I know you think that the Watkins crew is just silly group of people who improvise for a living (a career in improv comedy is very lucrative)… but don’t be so fast to judge! We are involved in the political process. We provided our logo, as seen below, to John Gregg of Indiana in his failed campaign for Governor.
Here is Mr. John Gregg speaking to a group of loyal supporters during the campaign season.
As mentioned before, unfortunately, John Gregg did not win in his bid for Governor. The guy has a hell of a mustache though and seems like a really nice guy. He purchased his first soda shoppe at the age of 15. He served as the speaker of the Indiana State House which was evenly divided between Democrats and Republicans, served as the President of Vincennes University and created many jobs for a new generation of Hoosiers!
The guy is also hilarious, check out this sweet campaign vid from last year:
So John Gregg, you may be out of a job but you obviously have been pining to become a member of Chet Watkins. This much is clear. We are offering you a once in a life time audition here in the Big Apple. Just come to the show TONIGHT at Magnet Theater at 10PM and put your skills to the test. We’d be very welcoming and gentle.
This past October, I made my annual pilgrimage to the Jacob Javits Center to attend the New York City Comic Con. While browsing through some bins filled with old comic book art, I stumbled upon some of the original panels of Detective Comics #362: “The Night Batman Destroyed Gotham City!”
In the comic, Batman and Robin are pitted against The Riddler (aka: Edward Nigma). In one of the panels I found, the Riddler and his trio of henchmen, who he dubs his ENIGMEN, gloat over their stolen money.
Now to you, this may seem to be no big deal. Why share this, right? Well, to my amazement, and possibly yours, the scribbled, hand-written notes of writer, Gardner Fox, and illustrator, Sheldon Moldoff, were on the back of the panel. The two engaged in a written exchange on the back panel of the comic book regarding the naming of the Riddler’s henchmen.
It appears that Fox originally intended to name each of the ENIGMEN (above) after their real life co-workers: Karsten Olson, a janitor (top right); Justin Camp, an accountant (bottom left corner); and Chet Watkins, a mail-room employee (bottom right corner).
Moldoff, however, vehemently nixed the idea emphatically writing in a firm hand that he didn’t want to “give these bozos any recognition.” He added that he hoped the three co-workers would “spend the rest of their lives in obscurity” and that the trio could “all die tomorrow and I wouldn’t lose sleep over it.”
Fox relented to Moldoff’s strong wishes, yet had a softer, more professional, tone. It seems he came to senses and pointed out the obvious in that the ENIGMEN were depicted wearing crossword-puzzle leotards and giving the henchmen real-life names “would not fit with the Riddler’s M.O.” and would “seem out of place” and “jarring” to the reader. The Riddler, Fox added, was “a true professional” and “a villain who would only hire thugs who had names that reflected his riddle-themed motif.” This, I would imagine, could be challenging, so if they didn’t have these odd names (like, John Question or Kelly Query), the Riddler would without a doubt re-name them. And so, giving the henchmen the names of the three co-workers was cut and instead the ENIGMEN were born!
Sadly, Chet Watkins missed out on his chance of having a cameo in a Batman comic where mid-way through the issue he would have been drop-kicked in the head by Batman and defeated. Instead, he would remain working in the depths of the DC Comics mail room for years where he would be remain in obscurity for the rest of his life. It seems Moldoff got his wish after all.
Good evening folks.
We are taking you from your regular Google owned online programming to bring you an un-live or sometimes referred to as a dead update. Chet Watkins revealed in their show, dated Jan.10th, 2013 at 8pm Eastern Standard Time that the break rooms in American grocery stores are being used, by their employees, for a variety of undesirable, unsanitary, and un-Goldy ‘situations’ to take place.
From what we can report various instances of showing off welts, lesions and other body mutations have been taking place in grocery stores across America; from Safeways to Gristedes, from Loblaws to Trader Joe’s. Even worse, there have been ‘situations’ of the sexual variety taking place in these so called ‘break rooms’ as well.
In one break room in Moncton, NJ an employee was sitting on top of another employees stomach (as the employee was laying with his back on the ground) and the two were looking at each other in the eye. ”You could sense a certain sexual vibe between the two,” responded the shopper who accidentally found themselves in the back break room when they couldn’t find spinach anywhere. When separately asked about the accusation the employees only response was to look upward, sigh and run to the bathroom.
We will have more to report on this story on the hour. For now please keep your children safely in sight, your pets on a tight leash and your dooms day bunker doors at the ready.
Good evening and God Bless America.
Recently, I was doing research for a future coffee table book entitled: Chet Watkins: The Legend, Yet Your Friend and Mine (release date: TBA). Through pain-staking, copious and detailed research I discovered that Chet Watkins once played pro ball. Yup! You read that correctly: Chet Watkins played Major League Baseball!
Chet Watkins was a middle relief pitcher for several Major League Baseball clubs through a career that spanned only one year: 1983. He played for a number of storied franchises: the San Diego Padres, the Montreal Expos, the Houston Astros, the Pittsburgh Pirates, and the New York Mets.
Chet Watkins holds quite a few MLB records:
His career stats are below:
Interesting note. Please look at the bottom of his playing card. Was Chet Watkins man, or machine?
Here is what I found through my research: Chet Watkins was let go, abruptly, by the NY Mets, after rumors circulated that Chet Watkins was not an actual human being, but was instead a manufactured automaton made in Cedar Rapids, MI. In an age before doping and steroid abuse, testing was scarce. However, a team of Navy SEALS, ex-Mets Manager Joe Torre and a cape-wearning vigilante named Bo Jackson hunted, cornered and captured Chet Watkins in an abandoned Domino Sugar factory in Queens, NY. After initial testing, results conclusively showed that Watkins was, in fact, not flesh and blood, but was actually made out of plywood, sheet metal, nuts & bolts and hidden by a cybernetic-exoskeleton. Oddly, after further testing, Watkins was found to have traces of the DNA of six young humans: Chris Camp, Karsten Cross, Kelly Kreye, Lauren Olson, Justin Peters and John Roukis. Even more mysteriously, over two decades later, these six humans would all happen to study improv comedy at the Magnet Theater in NYC where they would later perform, weekly, under the team name: Chet Watkins. Coincidence?
This was the first installment of: Who was Chet Watkins?
Chris Camp
john roukis
karstencross
kkreye
psychokillerturtle
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